That that is is

Recently, three or four times, I've seen men patting down their pizza slices with napkins. I thought this was an exclusively female response to the orange grease that sits on top of a slice. I never used to see guys doing this. To me, this does not belong to the category of conscientious, healthy living (e.g., looking both ways before crossing), but to the category of the absurd (e.g., wearing earplugs for the squeaking of the subway). At some point, I think you have to accept the world that is around you, and engage the world as it is -- not how you want it to be. If one finds themselves wiping off the oil sitting on their pizza, maybe one should remove their pathetic ass from the pizza parlor, walk to Central Park, pull some grass out of the soil, toss it with olive oil and some beans, and have a grass-sod-bean salad in the shade. Or maybe one should make their own low carb, low cholesterol pizza at home. But just know that pizza is bad for you: it's cheap and high-cholesterol cheese on top of preservative-filled tomato sauce, on top of refined white flour. Maybe your fat ass won't have a second heart attack if you don't eat pizza ok? Just don't come around to my favorite place eating pizza like a big vagina. It just makes you a sad sad man. Have some self-control, porker.