Has the whole world gone crazy? -- Walter Sobchek

Uh, I just turned on the TV, a break from writing about homosexuality and The Merchant of Venice. And I saw the end of Leno, the musical guests...
And I can't believe I'm typing this (because this record, in a way, works toward making what I just witnessed real; and I'd rather pretend it never happened). I saw a band covering Pulp's "Common People" a song really dear to me -- performed by WILLIAM SHATNER, backed up by Joe Jackson and with Ben Folds playing the keyboard. What is happening to my world?

Um let me try to figure out what the fuck just happened. At the end of the song, every word in the line "watching roaches climb the wall / if you call your Dad he could stop it all" is stressed with cymbal crashes. Taking this to heart, and doing what was probably most obvious (as always) Shatner pumped his fist with each articulation of a word -- not singing but just kind of shouting of course -- and then when he hit the "if you call your Dad..." part, he pointed both hands to his head (denoting the stress of dealing with roaches, we can assume...), and then did some full body explosion with the final word "all". Oh my god. It was so terrible. I really wish I never had to see this. Then, while an old Joe Jackson sang the chorus, terribly I might add, Shatner did some casual shoulder twitching to imply a sense of amusement and rhythm. Holy shit. This must be on video somewhere. I need the machine from Eternal Sunshine to erase the memory of Shatner performing -- eyebrow lifts and wide eyes for the important words. This is my best attempt to capture in words the visual and aural torture I just sat through: "You want TO SLEEP! (big eye moment; eye brow lift; fist pump) with COMMON PEOPLE! (big eyes; eye brows) LIKE ME! (big eyes, big eyebrow lift, halleluja-hands-to-the-heavens body exposion)" Jesus. Pity us all.

UPDATE: Holy shit. I found the MP3. If you can listen to this without feeling like you're listening to the MOST RIDICULOUS thing EVER recorded, if you don't giggle outloud, then much respect to you:
http://www.nme.com/features/110018.htm
There's this absolutely retarded part in the end when Shatner growls "ROACHES CLIMB THE WALL! IF YOU CALLED YOUR DAD! HE COULD STOP IT ALL...YEAH!!!" and when Joe Jackson sings and Shatner talks the same verses at the same time -- it's like listening to a really terrible band in one ear and news radio on full blast in the other. But so much worse. This song is like dying but not knowing if you're in heaven or hell.